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Episode 34. This week I sat down with Dr. Heather Gunn, PhD. Dr. Gunn is an Assistant Professor at University of Alabama and a licensed Clinical Psychologist. In her role, she is engaged in research, teaching, mentoring, and service. Her goal is for individuals to have meaningful and engaging (and autonomy granting!) relationships and to be able to have restful sleep. Away from the office, she enjoys walking phone dates, exercise, baking, reading, and spending time with her husband and son and dog and cat.
What to Expect In This Conversation:
We continue the conversation from last week. Make sure you check out Part 1 here.
- Do you really HAVE to get your phone out of the bedroom?
- How to promote sleep in kiddos in a flexible way
- What to do if you and your partner have very different sleep schedule preferences
- And much more!
New to the Podcast and Blog? Welcome!
I’m so glad to have you. You might be wondering what this blog and podcast are all about.
We relate everything in this podcast back to motivation, but not the hustle and grind kind. Truly sustainable motivation that keeps you feeling energetic and engaged in your life for the long haul. We talk about why “I’m just not motivated” is a myth, and why the TYPE of motivation you have is so important to fully understand. If you are ready to learn about motivation and respecting your body in an effective way so that you can live a life you truly love, you are in the right place.
Check out the Foundational Episodes of the Motivation Made Easy Podcast here!
- Introduction: What is this podcast all about?
- Episode 1: Want to Get & Stay Motivated? A Crash Course on Motivation, Weight Loss, and Health
- Episode 2: How Dieting Steals Our Motivation
- Episode 3: How To Get Motivated To Improve Your Health (Motivation 101)
- Episode 4: How to Transform Health Fears Into Forward Progress
How to Build Truly Long-Term Sustainable Motivation
Do you ever feel like you are just going through the motions? Being pulled in a million directions, and not really spending your time the way you want to be? There are so many things to do, fires to put out, that self-care behaviors immediately go to the bottom of the list.
Then you feel angry and frustrated with yourself and the world, resolve to “be better” and then the cycle starts all over again?
I get this, and I still live this. Not in a diet mentality way now, but I still struggle with consistently prioritizing myself over all the other to dos. And yet, I know me doing so allows me to be the very best partner, partner, and do my best work.
One of the very first steps in developing truly internal motivation is to clarify what actually matters to you. Not your mom, not your sister, not your best friend, YOU.
The more you reflect on this, the more you can move through your day knowing that even when it’s hard to say not, and leave things undone, you are prioritizing your time in the way that’s best for YOU.
If you’ve never clarified your values, the time is now. I do it early and often to stay grounded and make sure I’m using the precious time I have in this life in the ways that I wont regret. It’s a work in process, but values clarification is something we rarely do and we honestly all need to. And I don’t say that about many things.
Grab the free guide at DrHondorp.com/goals and get started today. I promise you, it’s never too late to stop dieting and start truly living. You will not regret it.
Do we really have to take our phones out of the bedroom?
Well in short, the answer is no.
It’s true that focusing on or engaging in something on your phone late at night CAN mask sleepiness, and it’s important to be aware of that and try to remain disciplined if it’s affecting you negatively.
However, you don’t NEED to take it out of the bedroom, as phones can also be very useful for sleep.
There are TONS of resources like podcasts, meditations, calming sleep sounds, and alarm clocks that can help us fall asleep at night and wake up on time in the morning.
Everyone is different and phones affect our sleep differently depending on who we are.
If you find yourself awake until 4 in the morning watching random youtube videos, it may be time to make some changes. But if you’re able to use your phone before bed without becoming too engaged in media to the point of delaying your sleep, there’s no need to remove it.
Building Autonomy in Kids- How does this benefit sleep?
Allowing kids to feel like they have some level of choice and control in regards to sleep establishes confidence.
Dr. Gunn talks about how it can be beneficial for kids to have structure when it comes to sleep, but WITHIN that structure, have autonomy as well.
That may look like allowing a young child to choose what book to read before bed. You decide WHEN they go to sleep, but give them some options as to HOW they go to sleep in the process.
After all, you can’t make someone fall asleep, and preparing for sleep is very individualized.
The Impact of Sleep on Partner Relationships
Sleep actually plays a bigger role in relationships than we think.
It can be a point of tension for many, and it’s key to know where that tension comes from and how to address it.
As Dr. Gunn states, the most common issue we see among couples when it comes to sleep is when one person is a night owl and the other is an early riser.
The person who goes to bed earlier may end up resenting the person who likes to stay up later because they aren’t going to bed at the same time.
Why does this occur?
Well, most couples in our society view nighttime as the main opportunity for communication and connection. The majority of us are busy throughout the day, and that can push free time off until late at night.
Because of this, It can be healing and rewarding to try your best to find little moments throughout the day to connect with one another.
Sleep is Important!
And probably more important than you think.
Heather talks about how although this is not a focus in our society, consistent sleep is actually one of our MOST important health behaviors.
In order to achieve consistent sleep, it can be effective to look at your stress levels and the quality of your relationships. These factors play a HUGE role in quality of sleep as well as sense of security, and they are often completely overlooked in this context.
Heather emphasizes the importance of outside factors beautifully here:
“Think of your sleep as your little cocoon. What do you want in that cocoon that makes you feel connected and loved and effective and confident… and be mindful of what you bring into that”
Dr. Heather Gunn, PhD
Our culture also tells us we need to constantly work harder and do better, and this is skyrocketing our stress levels and leading us to sacrifice sleep, which in turn is compromising our health.
So you have to remember that if you’re waking up super early to workout or do something that makes you feel productive but isn’t necessarily an obligation, you do have the choice to get more sleep instead. It is just as beneficial, if not more, for you to do that rather than trying to fill your morning with other behaviors.
It may make you feel better and make your days more enjoyable in the long run.
Main Takeaways: What You MUST Understand About Sleep
- Most of us just need more sleep, and it’s a behavioral issue. Many tend to push off downtime to later at night because there is just no time for it during the day. It’s important to try and build little moments for rest and enjoyment into your day so that it doesn’t get pushed into your nighttime routine as much. Think about where you can get add in time to yourself throughout your day. Any amount of time helps!
- Though phones do have the potential to mask sleepiness, they can also be useful tools for sleep. It’s important to be aware of how smartphones can negatively impact sleep, and ensure that we maintain some level of discipline when it comes to using them at night. However, everyone is different and phones can provide tons of great tools to help us fall asleep and wake up on time. Reflect on how your phone impacts your sleep, and do what benefits you most!
- It’s important for kids to have choice within a structure. Allowing kids to choose what book to read before bed or what stuffed animal to sleep with can be really beneficial. Sleep is incredibly individualized, and we all have different strategies for sleeping soundly.
- Sleep is largely intertwined with relationships. It’s very common for couples to differ when it comes to sleeping habits, and this does have the ability to cause tension in relationships. Nighttime is notorious for being the time for connection in our culture, but it doesn’t have to be that way. It can be helpful to find little moments in the morning or throughout the day to connect with one another so that it doesn’t feel like that piece is missing if your sleep schedules differ from one another.
- Sleep, social relationships and stress are more important than you think! And these things are far too often overlooked. Consistent sleep is one of the most important health behaviors we can acquire, and the consistency of sleep can be impacted by stress and lack of support. It’s so important to prioritize connection and communication to maintain positive and nurturing relationships. You also don’t HAVE to fill your day to the brim with movement, work and activity. If you have extra time to sleep, then sleep!
Support Independent Bookstores Near You!
Did you know that that if nothing slows their momentum, Amazon will have almost 80% of the book market by the end of 2025?
Look, I love the convenience of Amazon, but I’ve got a super cool way that you can support local bookstores and my blog and podcast simply by buying books like you already do! You can choose any bookstore on the list in the US and Canada (they plan to expand to other counties in the future) OR you can just let the donation get split between all stores. As of this recording, they have raised 15 million dollars for local bookstores. On my bookshop, you will see my absolute favorite books related to health and wellness, courage and vulnerability, and even my favorite fiction and kids books!
My recent favorite related to improving the quality of our lives was Digital Minimalism. Our family actually has decided to do an optional screen free August to re-evaluate the role of screen time in our lives.
So if you believe in supporting local businesses, please consider buying your books through Bookshop from now on!
The Psychology of Wellness Bookshop Link.
Disclaimer: This blog and podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not a substitute for individual professional advice or treatment, including medical or mental health advice. It does not constitute a provider patient relationship.
Disclosure: Using the Bookshop.org links in this post means that I would get an affiliate fee if you purchase from the online bookshop (this supports my business, and local bookstores too!).
Credit: This blog post was co-written and edited by Sarah Grace Rapoport, podcast and blog manager and Psychology of Wellness Intern, and Dr. Shawn Hondorp.