As a psychologist working with people looking to lose weight, I often talk about the “Diet Mentality”. But what does this term really mean?
Maybe you have heard that “diets don’t work” or the “diet culture” is bad, but today’s post will cover:
- What we know from research about dieting and how it impacts our thinking patterns and behaviors
- What Diet Mentality really means
- How to catch yourself in a diet mentality
- And what to do about it
What is a Diet Mentality?
This term is actually not specifically defined and studied in research. It is used often by clinicians to describe a thinking pattern with some of the following characteristics:
- All-or-nothing thinking when it comes to food and weight (e.g., Thinking of yourself as either “on a diet” or “off a diet” at any given time, thinking that you messed up today so might as well start tomorrow, thinking of foods as good or bad)
- Following the “rules” of a program rigidly versus listening to your body, especially about what or how much to eat
- Making lifestyle changes with the expectation of weight loss
Research on Dieting and Restrained Eating
When researchers have measured dieting, they do so in several ways. They might simply assess dieting by asking “are you currently on a diet to lose weight?” Or, they may have people answer a questionnaire with several different items to assess the degree of restraint when it comes to eating choices. This has been referred to as restrained eating.
While the first question clearly indicates the goal (to lose weight), measures of restrained eating have items such as “I deliberately take small helpings to control my weight” and are more likely to capture “restraint” among people looking to prevent weight gain versus those looking to lose weight.
Unfortunately, the way most of us “diet” isn’t working. In a review paper, colleagues and I looked at measures of dieting and restrained eating and found that if someone identified as dieting, they were significantly more likely to gain weight over time compared to people who scored high on measures of restrained eating (Lowe, Doshi, Katterman, & Feig, 2013).
So unfortunately, if you are attempting to diet to lose weight you are at risk for weight gain over time, not weight loss.
Some Aspects of the Diet Mentality that Might be Ok
But what parts of the way we diet to lose weight aren’t working? And are there any parts that are ok?
Labeling Foods as “Good” or “Bad”
In the past, I’ve almost universally said this is unhelpful. I think that professionals in the eating disorder world often do. They might say that “no food is a bad food” or “everything in moderation.”
While the type of all-or-nothing thinking that leads people to say “I’ve already blown it today, I’ll just start again tomorrow” is pretty clearly unhelpful, the good/bad food distinction is less clear.
Bad Food or Bad Person?
The distinction between labeling a behavior as bad versus labeling a person as bad is a key difference. And with food, it’s sometimes not totally clear which one we are doing.
For example, if someone eats a fast food meal and says to themselves,
“That was very bad.”
Is that thinking pattern unhelpful? It depends on what they really mean.
If they mean that they are a bad person for eating a burger and fries, then yes, that’s unhelpful. But what if they just meant that that behavior was a bad choice because they feel ill? If there is truly no shame in the behavior, then that mindset could help them stay accountable to their goals of health and feeling good in their body moving forward.
You can see that it would be hard to truly study this thinking pattern, because the wording can be exactly the same but the underlying beliefs or feeling underneath can be totally different.
Foods Can Be Bad
The reality is, there are foods that are extremely bad for us. The food industry cares about making foods that keep us coming back for more, and our health is rarely top of their mind. While feeling shame for overeating and feeling addicted to foods is universally unhelpful, just saying “all foods are find in moderation” also doesn’t allow us to label foods for what they often are, overly processed non-food substances.
Diet Mentality in Action: When is it Truly Unhelpful?
Let’s take a look at a real world example: Bob. Bob is not a real person but a compilation of people I’ve met or worked with.
Bob is a 28 year old over-the-road truck driver. He used to eat most meals at fast food places or gas stations. He gained a significant amount of weight and when he was told he had pre-diabetes, he decided to make a change. Bob doesn’t have much experience with dieting, he just became less active when he took this job and gradually gained weight over the past 10 years.
He comes in and says that since our first session, he’s made dramatic changes over the past few weeks. He is now packing his lunch every day and getting one “cheat” meal per week from his favorite steakhouse. The other days he is “being a good boy” and feeling really good about his progress. He also lost about 10 lbs so far.
In terms of the diet mentality, Bob checks all the boxes:
- All-or-nothing thinking: YES (he is now being “a good boy”)
- Following the “rules of the program”: YES, I had encouraged him to pack his lunches and eat out much less
- Making changes with the expectation of weight loss: YES
So Bob Needs to Change his Thinking Process, Right?
Not necessarily. After discussion with Bob, he truly does not use the good or bad language in any reflection of his self-worth. He also is flexible, so if he “messes up” and grabs chips and a pop from a gas station, he doesn’t beat himself up and makes a different choice immediately at his next meal.
Although I might suggest using a different term instead of “cheat meal,” (treat meal?) Bob will probably look at me like I’m a nut, and honestly his language probably isn’t a huge deal.
The biggest deal is whether Bob is making changes from a place of autonomy (freedom of choice), self-respect, and doing so knowing that he may lose weight but he ultimately cannot control how much, but regardless he is doing great things for his health.
Diet Mentality In Action: When Language Really Matters
Let’s take another example.
Jen (again, not a real patient, but a compilation) came to me for a pre-surgical evaluation prior to getting bariatric surgery. She had done almost every diet, and cycled between weight loss and binge eating throughout most of her teen years and young adult life. At 45, she has gone to therapy and developed an understanding of her reasons for eating and has new ways to cope with these feelings. She does not binge eat, but because of her dieting history she avoids doing much restriction as she fears it will start her back into the diet/binge cycle.
She eats fairly balanced meals and snacks and has learned to appreciate her body most of the time, but still wants to lose weight as she hopes it will help reduce her chronic knee pain.
Jen has done a ton of work to get rid of her diet mentality and wants to maintain that moving forward. She used to use tons of diet mentality lingo like “cheat meals” and “I was bad today” but has learned that this is unhelpful to her. When she said “I ate badly today” what she really meant was “I was bad today.”
When Jen eats foods she enjoys, like having pizza with her family, she doesn’t call it “unhealthy” or “bad for you” because doing so would trigger old mindsets and just doesn’t feel right for how she wants to talk about her relationship with food. In fact, she doesn’t call it anything except what it is, eating pizza with her family. She does so without guilt, and listens to her body. She might have 4 pieces one night because it really tastes good, and if she becomes overfull she might remember for next time that 2-3 pieces might be plenty.
What’s the Verdict on the Diet Mentality?
Taken together, the examples and the research about dieting show us that although overall the way we “diet” does not work and tends to make us gain weight over time, the thinking patterns associated with dieting are more detrimental for some compared to others.
Although sometimes labeling food as good or bad is truly us just describing, sometimes it can trigger unhealthy mindsets like self-critical or feelings of restriction, which both tend to not work or backfire.
3 Ways to Tell if Your Dieting Mindset is Unhealthy
So how can you tell if your diet mentality is truly unhealthy?
- If you have a history of repeated weight loss dieting, binge eating, or other forms of disordered eating. You are likely to have had an unhelpful diet mentality at some point. Unless you have done a lot of work to un-learn this, you probably still do. So you want to be on the lookout for the language in the list above and ask yourself “Is this thinking pattern truly serving me?” Often, the answer is no but we hold on to the mindset because we fear “losing control.” The reality is, the dieting mindset is the one often causing our issues with control in the first place, creating a vicious cycle.
- You believe that restrictive diets are the only way to keep yourself in control. And by restrictive, I mean giving an upper limit on how much you “should” eat in a day. It’s fine to start with a meal plan, but relying on an external guide for how much you “should” eat for the rest of your life is likely to backfire. At some point, you will need to learn to listen to your body’s internal signals. The diet mentality for some keeps us believing that we can never trust our body and have to keep ourselves “in check” with some rigid plan.
- If “I ate something bad” really means “I am bad.” This one is not always obvious, because logically you might say “no I’m not a bad person for eating a piece of cake” but emotionally you might actually be feeling differently. It’s important to be truly honest with yourself. After your eat that piece of cake are you feeling regretful? What are you saying to yourself afterwards?
Although most people can benefit from moving from diet culture/rigid/judgmental language to more descriptive language, if you answered yes to any or all of the above, it’s even more crucial.
I think I have a Diet Mentality. Now What?
Many people who want to lose weight or feel addicted to food are scared to let go of their diet mentality for fear of weight gain or losing control. I will talk about the specifics on how to let go of dieting while still having a plan.
For now, here are some tips to get started on reducing your diet mentality:
- Talk to your support system. Depending on who you spend most of your time with, diet language might be all around you. As I mentioned above, regardless of how much the diet mentality matters for you, we all could benefit from moving more towards description and away from judgment. This is truly helpful for all family members, even if they don’t have any eating or weight struggles. For example, kids don’t need to hear their parents talking about good or bad foods, just as much as parents don’t need to do it. Instead of saying, “I ate a lot of bad food today, I am so bad” everyone in the house can work on saying “I am feeling really full.” Less judgment, more just describing the situation benefits us all.
- Describe how eating or drinking something makes you feel over time. Or better yet, ask yourself before making a choice to eat “How will this make me feel over time?” This simple question helps us shift from “shoulds” to description and eating in a way that helps us feel our best physically and emotionally.
- Give yourself permission to stay the same weight, at least for now. Remind yourself that you are enough just as you are. Even as you want to make changes to your lifestyle and eat better quality foods, rushing towards weight loss doesn’t work. So take a deep breath, settle in, focus on making changes but also make sure you focus on the other important areas of your life as well. Food and dieting do not need to be your whole focus to succeed, in fact “dieting” in the way most people do it is counterproductive and just keeps us from focusing on the things that truly matter in our lives. You can learn to make healthier habits fit into your life in a way that you actually prefer and helps fuel your life versus distract from it.
What is your biggest fear about letting go of the diet mentality?
I know letting go of the diet mentality can be hard, or even scary. Future posts will give more guidance on this, but in the meantime I’d love to hear from you. What is your biggest fear in letting go of dieting? What is your biggest struggle? Comment below or send me an email!
Ready to Stop Dieting, but Need a Little Support?
Check out my FREE 7-day guide to do just that! This 7-day Hunger & Satisfaction Journal walks you step-by-step through how to ditch dieting and start listening to your hunger and fullness signals again. Doing so is an essential step to lay the foundation for a lifelong healthy relationship with food.
References
Lowe, M. R., Doshi, S. D., Katterman, S. N., & Feig, E. (2013). Dieting and restrained eating as prospective predictors of weight gain. Frontiers in Psychology, 4, 577.